What No One Tells You About Taking Time Off After Kids | Work Like A Mother Podcast, Episode 60

Have you ever wondered if taking a break from your career could actually set you up for more success in the long run? In this episode of Work Like a Mother, host Marina Tolentino dives into The Power Pause, a game-changing book by Neha Ruch that reframes what it means to step away from work after having kids.

Marina explores why one in three women will take a career break this year, the financial and emotional factors behind the decision, and how to re-enter the workforce stronger than ever. Whether you're considering a pause, in the thick of it, or looking for a fresh perspective on modern motherhood and career growth, this episode is packed with relatable insights and real talk.

Plus, Marina shares an exciting update about the future of the podcast and her mission to help women thrive—wherever life takes them.

🎧 Tune in now for an inspiring conversation that challenges the stereotypes of stay-at-home motherhood and career breaks!

Mentioned in this Episode
The Power Pause: https://amzn.to/3WFfWuS

Marina Tolentino
https://www.marinatolentino.com/
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Transcript

0:00

The book is called the Power how to Plan a Career, Break After Kids and Come Back Stronger Than Ever. I feel like is so relatable to all of us who have kids or are planning to have kids because one in three women are going to end up taking time off of work in the next year. There isn't really vocabulary for a woman who stays home other than calling her a stay at home mom, which just kind of assumes she doesn't contribute to anything. But then if you're a woman, you know that that is absolutely not true. And we are busier actually than ever. It has been a while since I've done a solo episode for you and today is a good reason. But we are back from after the holidays. It's now the end of January. I've got my daughter's fifth birthday party tomorrow, so we're mid planning and doing all of the things. But I think the holidays really helped me get another perspective shift. To be honest, it was kind of like another reset. Like Covid was just we had so much time spending quality time together and like reminding each other why it's so good to spend time together and all the things that can come out of it. I'm full swing in my sourdough era, consistently making a loaf every single weekend and then having fun things with the sourdough starter. But today is going to be kind of a book review for you and I have to say, full preface, I have not finished the book, but I've just started it and it's already so good. And I've seen a couple interviews with this author that I think you guys are going to love it. And so really it's just, it's about something called a power pause, which is something that a lot of women do or they've considered doing. I would even say, like every single mom has had this conversation in her head, should I take time off of work to be with my kids? And so not to say that I'm taking time off of work, like, real estate is busier than ever. Actually it is shockingly busy. So I don't know what happened after the new year. I think once Trump got into the office too, everybody kind of relaxed. Holidays are over, but we are busy, busy. So real estate's still going strong. But this is just a good book that I feel like is so relatable to all of us who have kids or are planning to have kids because one in three women are going to end up taking time off of work in the next year and that's a huge number. And then again, probably next year, if that's not you, it might be you next year. There is going to be a time in your life when you're going to want to actually consider this and say, should I take time off of work to be with my family or should I take time off work to help my child or children because they might be struggling or you're just noticing that they really need more attention or whatever that is. Or should I take time off of work because I have the privilege to make that decision? And we fully understand that this is a complete privilege. Not everyone can afford to take time off of work to do that. So there is some planning that usually goes into making that decision. But the book is called the Power how to Plan a Career Break After Kids and Come Back Stronger Than Ever. And at first when I read the title I was thinking like empty nester after kids. But I, I think now after reading the intro, she means after having them. So that could be at birth and postnatal all the way to, you know, teenagers. But the quick summary is that this is done by Neha Roche and she's a modern mother. She comes from the tech industry and her and I have similar timelines in that she had her first son in 2016. I had Roman at 2015 and this was like peak girl boss era. She shares that that that next year. Sheryl Sandberg came out with her book from Meta or Facebook at the time and it was just all about women working overtime. We were doing all the things we had to like somehow magically have 10 hobbies too to be balanced and have good marriages. But we were expected to work 150% of the time in order to, I don't know, I guess fulfill some empty pockets of us that we needed to make up with with striving. Anyways, I think most of us have learned through that because of COVID Like it kind of was a hard stop to all the striving that we were doing. And then now post Covid era and I think especially like our Gen Xers have seen us go through that burnout and that craziness that they're like, I don't want that. Like Gen Xers have rated on surveys that they really strive for a role that allows them flexibility and that it allows them to have, I mean, I guess the, yeah, the freedom of choice of how they spend their time. They're not forced to work overtime or have an insane out of balance lifestyle. And so this book, if I just summarize it real quick, she's writing a paradigm shifting guide that rebrands stay at home parenthood for a new generation of women and families. So she draws from her own experience in an online community that she's created. But really it's about, I guess I re reframing and reshifting the way that we think about moms who stay at home and kind of, I think a way to redefine it as well because there isn't really vocabulary for a woman who stays home other than calling her a stay at home mom, which just kind of assumes she's a shut in. She doesn't contribute to anything and she's lazy I think is the kind of a thing like she's just at home and she watches the news and she gets to watch her shows and she just kind of dilly dallys at home until the kids come home. I think that is kind of like definitely a stereotype. Hey ladies, real quick. If you are looking for a mentor, I just wanted to remind you that I offer mentorship to entrepreneurs. So if you're someone who has a never ending to do list and you're smiling out of control and feel like your business doesn't have a track plan, I want to work with you every single week for a month at a time. It's super simple. But I come from over 10 years of experience doing this myself and now I'm willing to give that information back to people. So I've mentored real estate agents, I've mentored wedding photographers, I've mentored other business owners and they've come from a place of overwhelm mostly and they really just needed clarity and a couple of action steps to move the needle. And we've seen Gigantum leaps and bounds in their business. Like I can't even tell you. So if you're interested and you want to know what that looks like, I want you to go to marina tolentino.com and there's a calendar link there to do a 15 minute discovery call with me just to see if we're a good vibe checked, make sure we're on the same page. And I would love to work with you one on one to really boost your business to the next level. Let's dive back in then. If you're a woman, you know that that is absolutely not true. And we are busier actually than ever. We hardly get breaks at home and so how can we reshift and get a new perspective on stay at home motherhood? So some of the points in her book in the power Pause is number one again, like I just said, reframing it. So looking into some of the data, some of the history of it, it's pretty interesting in the introduction. Step two is going to be financial planning. So getting practical advice on budgeting and planning, which I'm excited to get into that. Step three is identity and meaning behind work beyond work. Excuse me. And I think with that one, it's a big one. It's like, who are you without your job? Who are you without your work? You know, can you confidently describe to someone in a conversation when they say, what do you do if you're a stay at home mom? Can you explain that without feeling like I'm a nobody or I don't do anything or I just watch my kids? Like, you are so much more than that. And so chapter three is going to help us get through that. Chapter four is going to be building community and support. So really, I mean, it is so obvious that when you're a stay at home mom that building a community and keeping those friendships can be really, really challenging and can actually be extremely lonely. So. So having women around you in the same season is absolutely pivotal. And then personal growth during the pause. Like, do not think that when you're taking a pause from your career that we're just going on autopilot. Like, I think it's actually an incredible time to work on yourself in different ways, even your physical health, because you're going to have more flexibility. And so just emphasis on your creativity and finding joy in the small moments and taking time for yourself is absolutely a part of this. And then if you did take a pause, how to get back into work, she goes through that with advice, breaking stereotypes. And then she has tons of worksheets and resources at the very end, as well as her resource guide of all of the data that she compiled. And I think there's a couple books she read while she was writing this book that I also want to read in conjunction with this just because it's so relevant today. And it's definitely something that I've considered, you know, multiple times. Like, I kind. I was basically stay at home mom. When Roman was first born, I was a wedding planner in Southern California. But it's very, very slow in the winter and he was born in February, so I think I took maybe a wedding or two six months after he was born. But in the beginning, I mean, it was just me and him and Ryan would go to work in the Coast Guard and we were cruising like we knew that the bills would be paid. And I could really just focus on him. And thank God because he had so much issues nursing and I was pumping exclusively and like trying to fathom pumping on the job during that season would have been so hard. And it did finally work out. But it took about six months of exclusively pumping before he finally could latch. Like it was just like a really rough season. And then fast forward with Mika, I've actually been blessed with both kids. Mika was born in January 2020. So again, winter, like not a ton of business going on with real estate. Then March hits when she's 2 months old, 2020 and the world shuts down. So we really had a nice incubation period with her infancy too for the first year. And I feel incredibly blessed for that. But I will say with Roman, when we moved to Hawaii in 2016, we went gung ho on all the things. Like we were building businesses and we just like went, went, went, go, go, go. And we were exhausted. And I know that we missed out on a ton of stuff with him that we could have been a little bit more intentional with. I think some of that stuff that I've grown through and I've shared that kind of on this podcast. But anyways, recap on the book. I think it's a really, really good read to start the year off. The Power Pause by Neha and then secondly, quick update and announcement for the podcast. So. So it has been over a year. We made a year the first week of January on the Work Like a Mother podcast. And reflecting back, it's been absolutely incredible. The amount of women that we've got to connect with and meet and learn from has just been mind changer, like been so great to learn from them and make those connections. And I hopefully you guys are getting gems and like so much takeaway from it. Whether you're doing drop offs at school or you're running errands in the car, maybe you're listening when you work out. Like there is just so much information that I need to go back and like re listen to a couple of them because they were just so freaking good. But going towards 2025, what I've really been taking the holiday season to reflect on is like what do I really want this podcast to look like, to feel like who is it going to help? I do want to do a little bit of reshifting on the conversations. Not a ton, but more so like really focused on the woman that's in her city and how to help her thrive where she's at. So one of the really cool Things about the Internet is obviously we get to connect with people all around the globe, but more specifically all across America. And I mean, I'm listening to these women and I get to go to events. Like I have a Nashville event that we do every single year with a lot of them. And they live such vibrant lives and they have such good examples of good, balanced families and like just healthy examples of doing it right. And listening to them talk about their cities, their towns. Like I interview them about like, what do you guys do for fun over there? What's it like in Utah? Or what's it like in Nashville? And like, I want you guys to get that experience too, because it is more often than not, people are also moving really, really frequently for their job. So part of me being a real estate agent is I'm a relocation expert. That's what I do. I would say 75 to 80% of my clients are moving to Hawaii from whatever state they're in and even international. I've helped people from Bar Rain, from Italy, from Korea, from Japan, and of course all across the continental U.S. and so when they're moving here, they don't know up from down. A lot of them have never been to Hawaii before. So they don't even know anything about our islands other than it's a tropical paradise. And they think of Waikiki. Like there's so much education that goes into it. But they're moving for their job. And same thing goes for where you guys are at. You might be moving for a job whether that's an hour away or maybe it's a six hour flight away. And that is for career opportunities or for your husband's job or whatever. And you guys also need the resources. And so what I want to be focusing on this year is really helping build out should you make that career change if you do. And that could be in a business or being a W2 employee, it doesn't matter if you do. Having the resources and building the community to help you do that as smoothly and as fun as possible. Because a career change or a move is so. So it's like a restart. Anytime you relocate or pick up from one house and go to another, it's a restart and a fresh chapter. But I want to make sure that you have the right people around you. And so what I want to be doing is building out this referral program. And really it's just going to be me interviewing the best freaking real estate agents all across the US to be able to easily hand you over and say, I have vetted this person and she's just as cool as me, if not more cool. And she has so much experience that whatever your relocation looks like, she's going to be able to handle it and you can take the stress off of you and get the best full experience that you need. White glove. Like all of it. And so I think what we're going to do is take a quick month break off the podcast, let me get organized and kind of piece together how I want this new flow to go. But nonetheless, the podcast still remains the same in that we are helping women through their careers, through their parenting, through their marriages figure out the best way to do this in the modern world in 2025. And looking forward and I think it'll be a really, really good year and just again, more incredible connections, very similar to the ones we've been having. Just a slight twist on the questions I'll be asking them. But if you know of people that are in your area and you're like, oh my gosh Marina, you need to talk to this person or I wish I would have known XYZ when I moved. Like please, please, please DM me on Instagram, send me an email. Super important to make sure you are subscribed to that email list that's associated with the podcast in the link below so that when we come back full force you are not missing any episode at all. They're so good. And then we always linked in any of the resources that our guests give us too. So if they mention books to read or podcasts to listen to, all of that stuff goes in that weekly email. But I think that'll just be a really, really good way to kind of reboot and for me to get excited about what's coming up. Because I am absolutely. But I'm also full fledged loving the current balance that I have with the kiddos with homeschooling and real estate business that we are just ho humming along. And I will definitely keep you guys posted, but be sure to keep following along on social I always share little snippets on Instagram and Tick Tock and it's been really, really fun. But so plan to take a little break from the podcast, go back and listen to some of our favorite ones. Maybe that's what we'll do. We'll just repost some of our most listened to episodes so you don't miss anything and then a month later we'll come back with some fresh episodes and I so look forward to continuing the journey and getting to know you guys. So Aloha.