Why Work-Life Balance Isn’t Real and What to Do Instead | Work Like A Mother Podcast, Episode 43

In this episode of Work Like a Mother, host Marina Tolentino drops a much-needed truth bomb for all the busy moms out there: it’s time to ditch the outdated idea of “work-life balance” and embrace a new mindset—work-life harmony! Instead of chasing an impossible 50/50 split between work and home life, Marina shares how we can flow with the natural seasons of life, finding ease and joy amidst the chaos of motherhood and entrepreneurship.

Marina dives into practical steps to create harmony, including setting boundaries, embracing the current season of life, and curating a schedule that aligns with your core values. Whether you’re running a business or running after little ones, this episode is packed with inspiration to help you feel more aligned, grounded, and in control of your time.

Tune in for a fresh perspective on juggling it all, and leave with actionable tips on how to stop hustling and start thriving.

Marina Tolentino
https://www.marinatolentino.com/
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Transcript

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Today, I just really want to drop in and encourage you guys to get off the work life balance train. Instead, we're going to get on a work life harmony train. Not balance harmony. Right. It's meaning we're feeling effortless. We're feeling blissful about it. Define what harmony actually means for you and your family so there is a natural transition just with the seasons. Why not also make it a season of change for your family? Time is our biggest asset. It's not our finances. It's not our income. It's our time. You know what time it is? It's time for another quickie episode. I am on the go as we prepare for our trip to Italy. We leave on Monday, and I'm gonna be gone for two weeks. And hopefully by the time of this recording, I'll still be there. So we are doing some pre recording in advance, but today I just really want to drop in and encourage you guys to get off the work life balance train. Like, if I haven't pounded that into you yet and you've been listening for a while, here's your reminder. And also your reminder to send this to a sister or a friend who's in that hustle mode still and feeling hurry all the time to get off the train. We don't need the train anymore. It's not going where we want it to take us. So instead, we're going to get on a work life harmony train, not balance. As an entrepreneur and as a working mom. And the word harmony here is key. Harmony. Right. It's meaning we're feeling effortless. We're feeling blissful about it. We're not necessarily feeling balanced because balance is equal. It's 50 50. It's exactly the same on both sides. And honestly, that's never gonna happen as a mother. You're gonna have seasons where it's mostly motherhood and a little bit of business. Like, let's be honest, those first five years with children are very, very heavy on the momming side. And they need us all the time. They need us to wipe their butts, take them to the pantry. Cause heaven forbid they can get the granola bar by themselves. I mean, you've been there, you know, this, um, and then moving. Only finally until age five or six, do we start to get a little bit of independence. So if you're working from home and your littles are home with you, or you're working from home and they're still going to school, but you're working from home, like I said in the beginning, it's much more suede on the mother side. It's not really swayed on the business side, unless you're beginning a business or you're rebooting it, or you're really intentional about growing it in that season. But most of us, we're probably in a season of maintenance. And correct me if I'm wrong, if you want to hear more advice about starting your business or trying to figure out that harmony, when you are heavy on the business and you feel like your family is being rejected and neglected, we can talk about that, too. Been there, done that. Hey, ladies, real quick. If you are looking for a mentor, I just wanted to remind you that I offer mentorship to entrepreneurs. So if you're someone who has a never ending to do list and you're smiling out of control and feel like your business doesn't have a track plan, I want to work with you every single week for a month at a time. Time. It's super simple, but I come from over ten years of experience doing this myself, and now I'm willing to give that information back to people. So I've mentored real estate agents, I've mentored wedding photographers, I've mentored other business owners, and they've come from a place of overwhelm, mostly. And they really just needed clarity and a couple of action steps to move the needle. And we've seen gigantom leaps and bounds in their business. Like, I can't even tell you. So if you're interested and you want to know what that looks like, I want you to go to marinatolentino.com and there's a calendly link there to do a 15 minutes discovery call with me. Just to see if we're a good. Vibe check to make sure we're on the same page. And I would love to work with you one on one to really boost your business to the next level. Let's dive back in. So let's dive into what this actually means, right? Number one, define what harmony actually means for you and your family. Right. So for you, does that mean feeling like you have margin in your time, meaning you're not booked to book back to back to back and you have no five minutes to yourself, you can't even breathe and you have to, like, hide in the bathroom? I've done that before. Guilty as charged. What does harmony mean? Does it mean that you're focusing more on your health? Or maybe you're taking vacations more frequently or little getaways? Or you're actually consistently hitting that date night every single week or every other week. What does harmony look like for you in your life? Right. Number two, you got to embrace the seasons. So we know life is not the same ever. It's always changing. If it's not changing week by week, it's definitely changing month by month, if not quarter by quarter. Identifying what season are you in and what flow do we want? Right? If we're like, right now, we're entering fall, so there is a natural transition just with the seasons. Why not also make it a season of change for your family? I love slowing down for fall, making more time to bake, maybe do a couple crafts, just kind of swapping out some things that helps me feel more centered and more, like, grounded. I think fall is really good for grounding and just feeling like I can linger a little bit more. I'm not having to rush. Right. So, for example, I just purchased just two candles from target that were very much seasonally focused. Like, there's an apple cider one that's really good. And I've just been lighting it. And as I have friends over and stuff, everyone says it. They're like, oh, my gosh, what does that smell? It smells so good. It smells like fall. And I call out the candle, I'm like, it's fall. So we're embracing it. And candles are a great way to just shift seasons, too. But what does the ebb and flow look like for your life right now? And give yourself permission to really flex and that knowing that every day is not the same, but in seasons, we can focus on a greater initiative for that season. Okay, number three here is you're going to be the boundary boss. Like letting yourself again give permission to tell people no and stick to what it is you want in this season is going to be your tried and true, going to be your backbone when you're asked to do things outside of your comfort window or adding on extra things to do list that you didn't have planned for the season. Stick to the boundary, right? That's going to be a big key player in being happy in your harmony. And so it's okay. And I teach this, too, to my students who I help mentor. It's have your first response to every. Request be a no? It can be a no, not right now, but it doesn't need to be a no forever or just say, I'm gonna say no initially, but give me some time to think about it and let me get back to you. That's also a great response if you're having a hard time saying no. You can say, let me get back to you. And then it just means ultimately you're gonna tell them no in a nicer way in 24 hours or so. But if, again, if you're a people pleaser and you like to say yes to everything and out of fear of them feeling let down or rejected, you can blame it on your spouse. You can blame it on, I don't know, a client or whatever and just say, unfortunately, I have an appointment complex. It's not gonna work out. So I'm not able to help out. But I always love to say a no with a have you tried this and offer a suggestion, or have you talked to this person? I think they'd be perfect for this. That's also a great way to let someone down. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, and I hope you're enjoying this episode of the work like a mother podcast. Real quick. I just want to remind you guys, if you are worried about missing an episode, you don't have to worry anymore because we are creating a weekly email that's going to go out automatically every single time there's a brand new episode. And this email is going to have everything you need to know about this week's featured guests. It's going to have all of the links and the resources that we're going to talk about in this episode. So you don't have to go around and fumble through the show notes. But it's going to be served in your inbox every single week. So if you guys want that access, be sure to click below one time in the show notes today. Sign up for that email and then you'll never have to worry about it in the future. And bonus, if you really love this, we'd love it if you share this with a friend. Give us a review on whatever platform you're listening to, and we'll continue to bring new episodes and new information that's going to help you level up your life every single week. Okay, number four thing is to have intentionality and really curate a calendar that's going to align with your core values. Again, this is something that I teach. I have a course called the core values of your calendar that just really goes into what is most important for you in your life and in this season of time. Time is our biggest asset. It's not our finances, it's not our income. It's our time. Time is your money because we only get one day and we all have the same amount of time that Oprah does, or like Beyonce, like we all say. But at the end of the day, what is most important for you in this season that you're in? So we have the flexibility as entrepreneurs to really make that schedule look like whatever it is. So for me, for example, in this season, my harmony with my schedule is to not back to back book myself. In fact, I'm trying to hardly book myself like maybe five meetings maximum a week, which means most of my days have nothing on them. If I can put them all into one day, that's ideal. So that means in the morning we're lingering. I'm not actually waking up to an alarm. Most days. I'm waking

up naturally when my body tells me to, which is around 06: 8:51

00 630. I'm going to the gym three days a week, which has been great. And I get to listen to a podcast or music when I'm doing that, which is usually about an hour away from the house. I come home, I take my time, make my smoothie, give the kids breakfast. We're actually doing Bible time in the mornings right now, which has been super fun. And like, my nine year old is really into it and asked me all the questions. Cause if you didn't know, the Bible is like the most amazing story. And there's just so many crazy things that happen in there. Miracles, demons, angels, like the whole thing. Giants. We're breaking it down. So that's been really fun with him. Just, he has so many questions. And then we kind of ebb and flow into homeschool. Like, we usually knock it out before noon. I can check my phone occasionally, but my phone's not blowing up because I've already pre chunked out my time blocks, you know, so my mornings are really slow right now. I'm lighting the candle, I'm doing my devos, and it feels really great. This is awesome harmony for me. Then my afternoon, I'm defrosting some meat for dinner. Again, very much carefree. I'll usually chunk out a couple of hours of focus time when my preschooler is napping from one to three and I can get so much done in those 2 hours. And then by the time that dinner rolls around, I usually start cooking around five or six, whip something up. And I love to make special presentations for my kids right now. So I'm really trying to be intentional with how I plate their food. And my nine year old is loving it when he has little like accoutrements and stuff like that. And so he's having fun in the kitchen with me, which has been great. But then kiddos are in bed by eight or nine, my husband and I have some quality time, and then we call it a day. And that is what harmony looks like for me right now with a four year old and a nine year old and running the business. Okay, last couple thing here is to just, number five, give yourself grace, right? So we can be guilty of being addicted to chaos. Like, can I? Yes. I think we're all guilty of this, right? Especially if you have been in a season of hustle and hurry and achievement, and that has been your priority, achievement and career and numbers, for the last decade, if not just the last year. Like, it is infectious, and it's something you have to be countercultural about to, like, literally change your mindset and look the other direction when the Internet is screaming at you to be a different kind of way. And it's something I had to learn through, and it's something I'm really passionate about now to encourage you guys to figure it out on your own and realize, like, the rat race that everyone else is playing is not a race that you want to be in, especially as mothers, especially with young children. So I just want to encourage you. Give yourself permission, give yourself grace when you mess up, right? Shit's gonna hit the fan, if I'm being honest. And you're gonna have a horrible day sometimes, but then you might have a couple days where they're pockets of breathing and not hurry, and you actually have free time, and you're like, oh, my gosh. Wait, what? So for me, right now, that means I get to play the piano. I don't get to do it consistently, but when I have those pockets, oh, my gosh, 30 minutes on the keys, and I am like, a happy mama. Or I'm getting to bake the bread like I want or try a new recipe. I love to be borrowing recipes from the library right now. Been really fun to explore and try different things. I just got one. It's called make it japanese, and I am japanese by ethnicity, but, like, I really don't know how to cook Japanese that well. And so we tried a couple recipes, and the kids loved them. Like, a cucumber salad was really great. We did a miso chicken. That was amazing. So just trying different things, right. But if I'm in a state of hurry and hustle, it's really hard to have that creative space to just breathe, actually shop for ingredients that are not on my normal run list and just kind of go from there. Readjust as you need. Right. So, overall, I just want to encourage you guys. You've got this you're so talented and so treasured and so special to be exactly who you are with your people in this time and place that you just got to own it and chase after it. Like literally go against the tide and figure out what does harmony look like for you and your family. So I will see you guys next week with another episode. I hope this helped and I am really excited to just keep diving into this topic because I think think escaping the hurry is something that we know this podcast is about, but I don't preach on it enough, so we'll have more content coming for you. Bye.