The Work Like A Mother Podcast | Working From Home, Working Moms, Women Health, Organization, Time Management

REPLAY: Avoiding Burnout, featuring Woman Lessons Podcast | Work Like A Mother Podcast, Episode 36

• Marina Tolentino • Episode 36

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Replay Alert! 🎙️ I’m thrilled to share my recent guest appearance on Traci Peterson’s podcast, Woman Lessons. In this episode, we dive deep into embracing authenticity, the journey of self-discovery, and how these lessons have shaped my personal and professional life. It was an empowering conversation about the importance of staying true to yourself in every aspect of life. If you haven’t already, make sure to check out Traci’s podcast for more inspiring stories from incredible women. Let’s support each other in our journey to becoming our best selves!

Woman Lessons Podcast
"Woman Lessons is designed to leave you feeling empowered and we will explore ways that together as women, we can learn to look inward and upward for our validation- because that is where true confidence is found."
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/woman-lessons/id1752694591

Traci Peterson
https://tracipeterson.com/home/
https://www.instagram.com/Tpete

Marina Tolentino
https://www.marinatolentino.com/
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Welcome to woman lessons, where we explore how to be and raise a truly confident woman. This podcast was inspired by my daughter, Quinn, who asked me when she was just nine years old, mom, can we do woman lessons? It allowed me to reflect and ask myself, what type of woman am I modeling for her to follow? In today's world, women face a constant battle with comparison and self criticism. 46% of women have criticized themselves at least once before. 930 ladies. This is not okay. This is not something I want to model for my daughter nor have any other woman struggle with. This takes away our power. Woman lessons is designed to leave you feeling empowered, and we will explore ways that together as women, we can learn to look inward and upward for our validation, because that is where true confidence is found. You will learn to love yourself and lean on God so you can confidently raise the next generation of leaders. In this podcast, you will hear from high performing women on how you can silence the self critic, balance all your roles as a woman, the lessons they learned the hard way, and how they are living in their potential today so you can do the same. You will leave knowing who you are, having a greater confidence in your divine calling as a mother, and find more self compassion as a high performing woman. Welcome to Woman lessons. Oh, my goodness. Welcome to Woman lessons. Today, you guys are in for such a treat. I have the most amazing woman to talk to you all about balancing your life, your businesses, your babies, and everything in between. And so I am so excited to have Maria Tolentino here with us today. Marina, I'm so excited you're here. Yes, thank you for having me. This is always so much fun just to talk real life. So it's going to be a good conversation. It is going to be such a, such a good conversation. And just for I wanted to introduce you, like, officially. So Marina and I met a few months ago, and she actually had me on her podcast, and I was just blown away by her experience, by her expertise, and just her openness to not, like, gatekeep anything. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I think sometimes we want to, like, keep our secret sauce to ourselves, you know, the things that are helping us win. And you are just so open and willing to share all of the goods. And so I want everybody to know exactly who you get to hear from today because I'm really genuinely so excited about this. So Maria Tolentino is the director of Ops for the collaboration, which is a quick growing organization of over 100 top producing agents within EXP Realty. So she is just an expert from behind the scenes support for some of the newest rock stars in real estate space, ensuring that they have the tools and the systems for success without all of the nonsense. And we're going to cut through all that crap and all that extra nonsense. So I love that. Her boundaries and clear vision of how not just to start a business, because we can skip the overwhelming and working 24/7 part, but she helps her entrepreneurs and people that she mentors to get clear about their priorities and build a business that serves them instead of falling prey to the hustle culture that dominates a lot of social media. And I'm sure we'll dive into all of that. So over the last eleven years, Marina has had three babies, started three businesses, sold one for profit, and now, like I mentioned, mentors, new real estate agents and entrepreneurs nationwide. So, Marina, Marina, welcome to the call. Welcome. Yay. So much can happen in so little time. And I think we forget about that. Even with business. It's like your one year goal could quickly change and become your three year goal, ten year goal, whatever. Like, business changes, life changes. And so we're constantly pivoting and adapting. And so it'll be a good chat today. Yeah, isn't that the truth? I mean, I think it is all about not being too set in your ways, knowing that we do. Isn't that motherhood, though? I think sometimes the mothers who are the most stressed out are the ones who are the most rigid and the least flexible. Would you agree with that? That's like your own anxiety prescription, basically. Like, take that off. Take that off. Yeah, exactly. So maybe let's just dive in straight from the get go, because you are a specialist at defining and helping. We're going to talk women entrepreneurs here today. So creating the core values for your calendar while building boundaries for a lifestyle that fits all the seasons of life that you're in. So tell me more about these core values for your calendar. Yeah, well, first, let's talk about context. So it's like in the beginning, the first, I would say, three years of your business. You're so focused on just getting the business that it becomes your priority. You're so consistently thinking, I don't have enough, I don't have enough. I need more, more, more, more, more, more. So we're willing to sacrifice ourselves, our family, our quality of life to do that because we feel like that's what success is, right? So then we do that. Usually for us, it's like getting the hundred thousand dollar mark. If I can only make $100,000, then I'll have made it. What happens is we fast forward, we get there, and then we look back in retrospect and we're like, oh, my gosh, I have to do this again. Like, this isn't the end. Like, I have to do all of that blood, sweat and tears again. Like, what have I just done to myself? And meanwhile, your family hates you, you've lost your friends, you hate yourself because you've gotten to this point. And so let's all of that, skip that, start over, building up solid foundation, which is one that's actually sustainable and going to be good and improve your quality of life. That starts with keeping the most important thing first, just God and your family. And so when we set that foundation, when I start my calendar, so every Sunday I'm sitting down looking at a blank calendar. I'm putting in that special time first. That's time blocked into family. That's priority of everything. That's important, most important first. Then after that, we can put in the other things, like, what are the appointments that I have for work? What are the time block things I need to get through my to do list? And then the last things are like those last minute requests, those things that are going to pop into your calendar every day, asking for last minute things. You have a backbone then to go and cross check and say, actually, do I have time for this? Or am I just saying yes to people? Please. Because that's what we're often doing in the very beginning of business stages, is we're saying yes to everything because we don't have the inner confidence to say no yet. So it's really, if you start with those initial foundation pieces, those core values, you're not going to be living in regret or shame or guilt in the future of your business. So I've learned that the hard way. So I'm trying to save doing that. You know, I think, and I think most women have, we've all been there, and I love something that you said. You said at the very, very beginning, and I want to make sure everybody caught it. She said, what is your definition of success? Like, what is your true definition of success? Not just success in business, not just success in your family, but like, what does it, what does your true success, successful life look like? And what does it feel like? Because you have to begin with the end in mind. It's like, what really am I going for? And I do, I think some of us get, get stuck in sort of those short term goals. And I agree with you. I hear all the time it's like one hundred k. One hundred k. And it's like, okay, once you're there, it's like, well, then what's next? And so I think it is so important to really define what success means to you. And every woman's is different. Like, your definition of success, Marina, is going to look different than mine. And I think it's honoring that and not comparing ourselves to another woman's lifestyle or business. Yeah, 1000%. And I love to share the behind the curtain of the numbers of success. Right. Because again, we put this on a pedestal that if I can only get the six figures, then I'll be happy. I'll have everything that I need. I hate to break it to you, but usually about half of that's going to be expenses in your business, too. We're not keeping 100,000. Okay, so then let's say we hit there, right? Well, we got taxes to pay, we got all these other things, and then we're going to do it again the next year. We're going to double our income. We're so ambitious. We're going to keep going another year. Double that income, that gross income. Well, guess what? Now you just jumped a tax bracket. And so I love sharing this. That even if you think you're doing so good, you could be making 400,000. But your quality of life is still only at 150 net or 200 net, like, and so is it worth that blood, sweat and tears for time after time after time, all those memories missed, get there just to have the same take home pay. And so I've learned that the hard way. I thought I reached this pinnacle of career. I was in a real estate magazine. Like, I did it all. And I realized very quickly, actually, I just need to, like, slow the heck down and be more intentional with my time and my money to have this better quality of life. So I'd rather spend money on an assistant to get that time back instead of spending it hustling for leads or getting more transactions. Let's do less deals, but spend a our expenses more intentionally. And then just thinking, like, as you grow, you have new devils. I guess that's what they call it, right? New level, new devils. And, oh, my gosh, okay, we hit this tax bracket. Now what are we going to do? Our quality of life is the same. Now I got to get more strategic. And so it's surrounding yourself with people smarter than you to do that, to leverage your wealth. But it takes a certain grit and a certain vision to go past that, because it's really easy to go backwards and say, oh, it's pointless. Like, the government's screwing me. Why would I double my income again? The vision has to be bigger than you and your family at that point. And so whether that's leading people or managing a team or whatever, that could be potential. But in this season, like I said, I'm homeschooling my nine year old. I've got my four year old at home, too. I'd rather just be solo, just me, myself, and I not have to babysit other people besides my one assistant and keep more income and do less deals. And so it's just, you got to have your priorities and perspective. That's the biggest thing right now. Absolutely. That was so, so good. I have a follow up question for you. Because do you feel. Because I've been through the same thing. So I'm wondering, is that just the school of hard knocks that women have to go through and an experience that they have to have to know, hey, it really isn't about the income, to your point, right. You can have, you know, this gross amount of income, but then at the end of the day, when you net still 100k or 150k, you're living the exact same lifestyle, but you're hustling for more gross income. Right. But your quality of life is suffering. So do you feel like that is something that every person needs to go through, or the woman listening right now, what can she do right now to avoid that? Like, learn from your mistakes. Learn from my mistakes. Do you feel like we all need to go through that sort of school of hard knocks to know what we don't want? Or is it easily avoidable? I think it's easily avoidable, but you have to have the open mindset, and so many of us are just so set on that dollar amount. And how does change happen? Right. We have to have enough pain for change to happen. You need to see the pain in front. It needs to be, like, super visible, not some, like, moving target, not chasing influencers. Like, talk to the people who have actually been through it, who are transparently sharing those numbers. Because I feel like it's not present online anywhere. No one is saying, hey, if you make 300k, you're only going to keep 100k. Like, people just don't get that. And so being transparent with the expenses, well, yeah, you can be a producer that's doing x amount, but if you're spending 80%, you're not keeping that. And so no one is sharing that visibly online. So that's where mentorship and good leadership comes into play. If you're a solopreneur and you are doing this lonely road, you're in a world for hurt a because you're going to try all the things, you're going to throw everything at the wall until something sticks, waste a lot of time and money and energy doing that, instead of just aligning with someone who is like minded, similar family values, similar spiritual values, and just saying, hey, let me come under your wing and learn what not to do. So I can skip all of that. But again, takes that open minded mindset. Totally. I love that. When did you first introduce mentorship into, into your business? After about year one, to be honest. So coming into real estate, I was already an entrepreneur before this, so I took into the business fairly quickly, got success fairly quickly, and so my team leader saw that into me and so he started to just introduce people to me, hey, they need help. They need help. Do you want to help them? Absolutely. Like, I've always been a no secrets girl. If you have questions, I will transparently open up spreadsheets, show you exactly what I'm doing, what things cost, and it just saves so much anxiety out of people instead of going to an Internet search. And I found a lot of success from doing that too. Just like that self gratitude of saying, hey, I can actually help people. Instead of just thinking about me, myself and I, why don't I help ten people along the way do the same thing and we can actually grow together? And learning goes both ways. Even though in a mentorship position I'm usually teaching, I also learn from other people's perspectives of issues I might not understand that they're going through in their business or family issues they might be dealing with. Helps me get perspective on how to help more people. So, you know, three, four years I've been doing that now. And I usually have about ten people on average that are rolling through, going through mentorship of whether that's their first three transactions in real estate or I'm helping a photographer go from 2000 a month to 10,000 a month in income. We're just doing that on a one on one basis, which is really fun. That's awesome. I love that. So let me, let me, let's stick on this mentorship, on this mentorship piece. We weren't planning on doing this because you did that one year in now maybe you were making some good profits. I think sometimes in the solopreneur realm, we feel like we do have to do it all by ourselves. And let's even add on another layer of being a woman and a people pleaser, and we feel like we have. It's ingrained in us that we have to do it all by ourselves and that nobody can do it as better as, or as good as we can. And so even maybe a little bit earlier than you think, you should start investing in mentorship because you're the best investment that you could ever make is investing in yourself and you developing your skillsets. And just like you said, basically, you're paying for perspective. You're paying and you're not even paying. You're investing. You're investing in perspective. You're investing in mentors to help you avoid some of the pitfalls that they went through so you don't have to go through those. And then I think when you're in a. In a space of mentorship as well, they help you to stay in this space of inspiration instead of desperation. And I think as. As solopreneurs and as entrepreneurs, when we feel like we have to do it all by ourselves and it's all about money, right. That that kind of creates this scarcity mentality. Instead of I'm making an investment for my future self, for that level of success or what that definition of success that we want to have, you need to start living in that future potential right now. And that future successful, you know, mom, wife, business person would invest in mentorship and would invest in herself. Yeah. I mean, coaches need coaches a thousand percent. So even us at this level, I am still paying people to help me with my business. And a major part of it, it's not even like they're telling me how to scale to a million or giving me some secret. They're just reminding me who I am. Because you talk about this a lot, how self critical we are. She's literally just saying, marina, you're already all these things. Did you forget that you did all that back there? Did you forget that you made that huge achievement back then, that you were on this platform, that you get recognized for this? And I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, so all the things I just told myself are totally out the window. Throw them in the trash. Like, what am I doing? Reset. You know, just get back on track. And we get so overwhelmed with all the what ifs. And if we can only just focus on the next step, you'll be just fine, honey. But it's our own mind that's constantly trying to play tricks on us. So having that mentor is someone to speak life into you and encourage you and remind yourself of who you already are, because we're our worst enemies. Isn't that the truth? Oh, my goodness. Isn't that the truth? So good. Wow. That's really, really, really good. I love that because I'm a verbal processor myself, so sometimes I just need to talk through things. I had a mentor I was working with once and paying thousands and thousands of dollars for her mentorship, and I remember just getting on a call once, and all I did was talk. I talked for an hour and just, bleh, just word vomited all over her. And I was like, well, I guess that was, like, the best, you know, per hour rate that you've ever had in your life. See you next month. You know? And she's like, sometimes you high performing women just need a place to vent in, a place that they don't feel judged. Yeah. And that they can just be themselves. And again, they just need that, that safe space to be. Normally, high performing women are the only one in their circle, so it's not like there's a flock of high performing women around them. Like, I felt this very lonely. And so when you're going to a coach, it is a safe place to say, I have these ambition vicious goals, but I can't share them with my circle because they might judge me. They might tell me that I'm crazy. Whereas, like, when you come to a mentor or a coach, you're saying, go for the moon, but let's reverse engineering there. And also, everything has a cost, so let's make sure it aligns with your core values. You know, we're not going to just go crazy. Just to go crazy. Like, let's make sure it makes sense for you, because that's so often what I found myself doing is I get that shiny object syndrome because we're visionaries. We have a million and one ideas every day. We have ten more. But what's really important to my business, what's really important to my family, that mentor is going to pull you back and just remind you and say, remember, like, two weeks ago, you told me you wanted this. Is this still enlightenment? Like, let's just double check. But it's that safe space. A lot of the times, you do feel lonely, so it's also good relationship building that way, too. Yeah. And that's also something that I think you're changing and that I think I want to contribute in changing is that entrepreneurship has to be lonely, especially as a high performing business mompreneur. Like, I want to change that because I think there are so many things that we can learn from each other so many things, and I think the biggest one comes around the reality. Right. And this idea of balance, which we know doesn't exist, it's really about priority management, but also having that safe place where we don't feel judged or criticized, where we're not comparing ourselves to each other. We're just observing what another mom is doing, what's working for her, and then, you know, just holding it in this space of observation and not internalizing it, not personalizing it. But I feel like that's how we can create a community of women where it isn't lonely. I don't. So talking about, like, what your definition of success is or the world that I want to live in, I want to live in a world where there isn't that competition and there isn't that judgment between moms, where it is just a place of collaboration. And I feel like that starts with you and it starts with me operating out of a place just like you. Like, when I met you, I was like, oh, she's so open. She's not trying to, like, hold up any facade. She's not trying to gatekeep. She's just open and willing to serve and share and help and uplift and still crush it. Like, that doesn't take anything away. It only adds to your success and only allows to you and your ability to help more people, because when you're just a good person, it will come back to you tenfold, 1000%. I appreciate that. I appreciate that in you. I truly, truly do. Tell me, Marina, what would be one piece of advice, or what information would you give a high performing mom that's listening, that maybe is struggling with balance, where she has these desires to be a very successful entrepreneur and businesswoman, and she wants to be the most amazing, connected mother and wife. And what tip would you give her about balancing all of those things? Because you've had success in all of those areas? Yeah, I can probably guarantee she's doing too much. Like, way too many things are on her plate. In fact, she might be dropping some, and she knows it. And she's starting to shame and guilt herself about dropping the plates because she's so ambitious. She knows she can do it. The potential's inside, but the reality is it's just not realistic to do it all at the same time. So everything has a season, everything has timing. We can't do everything this week. It just. There isn't enough hours in the day. There isn't enough of you to do all the things. So one of the things I learned about year two into real estate, because previous to this, I feel like the businesses I had and this was just the journey of entrepreneurship. I basically just created a new job for myself. I wasn't really acting like a business owner until I came into the real estate industry. And I quickly realized, okay, I don't just want to be a realtor. I want to be a business owner. I don't just want to be transactional. I want to build an engine. And so within year two, I started to get overwhelmed in business, and I hired my first VA and I immediately recognized, oh, my gosh, if I just give a little bit, all of a sudden I'm unlocking a new level. Let's give some more. Let's give some more. Wait, I got 2 hours back. Wait, I got 4 hours back. Now I'm to the point in my business where I'm making multiple six figures, working about 4 hours a day, which a lot of people, if you're in that beginning stage, you can't even fathom how that is possible, because you can't. The vision isn't there. You're like, that doesn't add up. How is that possible? Right? But I have delegated more than 50% of my workload to my VA now, and I'm on my second one in the last two years. And rose is a new level of smarts. Like, I definitely went into hiring her a year ago thinking I need to hire someone smarter than me. And so that's a big piece of advice I have, is hire up, don't hire down. When you're hiring an assistant, you're not just hiring a paper or shover or a filler. You are hiring something with more tech and more talent than you are, which is hard to believe of as a visionary, but it's a different set of skills that's not the face of the brand. They're the thing turning the business behind the brand. And so she came from the tech world. She was working with corporate CEO's in multiple time zones, and I was like, oh my gosh, a Silicon Valley girl working in real estate. Let's go. Like, it was so crazy. But yeah, just realizing all the things you're doing, awareness, sitting down for five freaking minutes to just analyze your calendar and be like, what are tasks only I can do or are something else that other people can do? So, for instance, scheduling, how much of your time of the day is going back and forth on freaking emails to try to find a date with someone, to book a call. That is the first thing you should do is give up control of your calendar. And as a control freak, it feels very much like, ah, I can't panic anxiety instantly, right? Like, how can someone else manage my calendar? That's impossible. Well, let me picture this. Like, imagine waking up, checking your phone calendar and being like, what do I have to do today? And I didn't think about it at all yesterday. I just know it's set. She has travel time booked in there. She has reminders to call this person before I get there or whatever that is. Anytime I have a trip, she's booking car, hotel, airfare, all for me. So all I have to do is, like, check my email, and she sent me my little QR code for my airplane. TSA pre check is done. Like, there is a whole world out there for the woman who feels overwhelmed. That just doesn't understand. You can do this peeing in EA less than 20 hours a week to take that off your plate. It's just a whole new world. And I wish I could give more away to her. We're working on that. It's cool. It is, it is. It is totally a whole new world. And what I will tell you is I am guilty. I am so guilty of not hiring a va sooner. I mean, I have been an entrepreneur now for seven years. Seven years at a very, very high level. Now, we have some systems and things for our team, but as far as my own personal calendar and all the daily tasks that I have to do, it took me seven years. And I had a mentor of mine who said two years ago, like, you're crazy. And I'm like, I just don't feel ready. That's all me. It's literally all me. It has nothing to do, it has nothing to do with the cost. It has nothing to do with the time it takes to onboard somebody. It has nothing to do with that. It has every little bit to do with the fact that I'm a perfectionist and I wasn't ready to give up control thousand percent. And what I will tell you, like, everything you're doing, I'm like, it's real, guys. I swear to you, it's real. I just, I hired a va recently. Now, I know I need to dial in I know I need to dial in some things with her. But even just the day I signed the paper, the day that we agreed, I instantly felt lighter. I was like, it comes back to that solopreneur. I felt like I wasn't alone. Like that it didn't all fall on me, that all the weight of the world. And all these tasks weren't on my shoulders anymore. And it was the best feeling. It was the best feeling. So I would love to know from your perspective how and where you found Rose, first of all, but how to hire. And I mean, you've already really kind of dived into why every entrepreneur needs assistant, needs an assistant. But how, how do you hire, how do you find the good ones and maybe also share some tools and systems that helped you to take your real estate business from, you know, one hundred k a year up to 250k in twelve months. Share all the, all the scoop with. Us you gotta do is you gotta log your time. And I've heard of this before, I think it's called a time audit, but it's like where you set an alarm on your phone to go off every 15 minutes and it's gonna be annoying and you're gonna do this for a whole week. Like every 15 minutes this alarm is gonna go off and you're gonna carry around a little notebook with you everywhere you go. Write down exactly what you did in those 15 minutes that entire day. And like I said, it's annoying the first week and you're gonna probably fail on day two already, but just do it. And then you're going to go back on Sunday and start to highlight all of the wasted time that you had. Because I'm going to tell you, it's going to show up whether that's you got distracted with the kids and you're doing the dishwasher, especially for a stay at home moms that are working from home. Like, there's so much distraction. How much time did you spend scrolling social media that you didn't think you had to and then before you know it, 3 hours go by or like you were researching and then went down a tunnel of things. The 15 minutes will also kind of keep you accountable because you'll snap out of whatever you were doing and you're like, oh shoot, I need to get back on my task. But doing that time audit is super important. Then out of all those tasks, you're going to break down which ones are income generating, meaning only you can do that. So for me, that's converting a client from a lookyloo to actually someone that's going to pay me. So the conversion is big, the content for me is big. Only I can show up on camera, my assistant can't do that. For me, everything else pretty much aside from like responding to a couple of emails a day, which email is another huge time sucker. I only spend about 15 to 20 minutes on email a day. And for some people, that seems like crazy town. Well, how is that possible? It's because I gave my assistant my email access, which sounds bananas for a control freak. They're like, what do you mean you gave her your login? I'm like, yes, I did. And guess what? She filters everything for me and she actually wants to do more for me that I'm like, still kind of holding onto. But she could filter everything into folders for me, so I could only check the marina folder every day. Like that is possible, but once again, that's cool. So time audit. We have some things that only you can do. So, you know, that's your lane. Everything else goes into a new job description that you just created for an assistant. Like that is right there. What you're going to hire for us, you're going to create a LinkedIn or an indeed ad that has all of those tasks list out. You're going to want some prerequisites, right? You're going to want referrals, you're going to want some basic skills. For me, tech savvy is critical. Like, I need to list out a couple of platforms that I'm already using. Canva proficient's really important because we do a lot of marketing stuff and then whatever other apps you use and if they don't have them yet, at least have some like, similar things. But I went through a headhunter when I found Rose. Previous to that, I just put out an Instagram post and found someone who was very helpful and really a good first va, I would say she had really high customer service skills. But then once we got a little more advanced, it was a little bit outside of her reach and her capacity. So we swapped. Went with a LinkedIn headhunter that I found, I think from a transaction coordinator that referred her to me. I spent about how much? And just for. Oh, that's what I was going to ask is how much, just for the viewers. Never worked with headhunter before. Yeah, well, if you're going to hire a headhunter, this one cost about fifteen hundred dollars. And she's going to go through over. That's not bad. No, not bad. And she goes through over a thousand applicants, which I'm like, I ain't got time for that. Narrowed it down to 25 for first round interviews, which I was already like, holy crap, we have 25 people worth interviewing. Like, that's crazy. And this all took place within 30 days. So it didn't take a six month process. It wasn't this huge. Thing. Out of the 25, I told her my top five. Then she set up those second round interviews again. I'm not going back and forth. What time are you available? She's literally sending me a Zoom link, like, so easy. And out of then she also has pre written up interview questions, so you don't have to think of the interview questions like, she does a really good job of interviewing you as the entrepreneur to find out what we need in the match. And she's also doing some of those prerequisites to even get it down. So they're having a first round with her and then second round with you. And out of those five final ones, Rose was just by far the best, and she was also located here in Hawaii. So it was like win and done, because for me in this business, you do have to be able to pronunciate the streets or you're going to sound like a loony. So that was one of her prerequisites. But the other ones were great. Like, I had a couple of veteran spouses or active duty spouses that were work from home. They had really flexible hours. I wanted experience in Va. This couldn't be their first VA position. So that was huge. A ton. I would say out of the thousand applicants, a ton were college kids. And unfortunately, I needed someone a little bit more professional than that. So I knew out the window, not fit. But there is absolutely demand for people who want to work from home on their own schedule. And now having hired her, I pay her over$20 an hour because she's worth it. So don't think that you're going to pay the cheapest person. And she's a contractor, so I don't have to pay payroll or anything. We just pay her by pay stub, and then we do so much of our communication through slacken. So I think that's another big question that people ask is, are you, like, having a meeting with her every day? And it's up to you as the entrepreneur, but for me, we have a Monday call as, like, a connection, and the rest of the week is just slack on our own time when it's convenient for us because nothing is really, truly urgent if you're being proactive. So we're typically three to five days in advance on every project. Nothing is like, hey, did you get this

in? We have to post it by 05:

00 p.m. like, it's all been done and scheduled already. So creating this, I love this huge, I love this. I love this so much. So much so that I'm like, voraciously taking notes to the side of. To the side of my screen. And I honestly, I'm gonna go back and relisten to this, because I. So let me ask you, did you really do the every 15 minutes timer for a week? Like, did you actually set it? Okay, because, listen, I'm. I'm gonna do that. Like, you have challenged me, and I'm going to. I'm truly going to do that because I started out with it with, like, a base of tasks, and, you know, because sometimes they'll give you some. I'm like, yeah, that looks. That looks pretty good. But then it's like, as you move along, it gets very specific with, with your needs and. And what you need. And one other thing that I think it might be helpful for those who are listening, too, with passwords. There's an amazing app called Lastpass. We use it, and I. Yeah, okay, awesome. So, yeah, you enter in, like, your login and your password in Lastpass, and it stays hidden, and then you just give access to your VA. To that. So, yeah, your passwords and logins and everything aren't, you know, swimming around everywhere. And I love that. I just think I. There's so many good things about what you said, and I think sometimes writing down what you do or writing down those income producing activities can feel overwhelming. But something that I've learned is you cannot change what you don't measure. You cannot improve what you don't measure. And there's no shame around it. It's just data. Yeah, right. It's just data. It's a starting point. And so if you know where your starting point is, then you can choose to go up. But if you don't know where your starting point is, you're choosing to go down. You're choosing to go backwards. So that, honestly, I wrote down every single thing that you said that was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And I'm sure time tested. How much. How much time do you feel like rose saves you a week? Have you quantified that? At least 20 hours. Like, at least minimum, if not more. And it takes her less to do that, so she's more efficient at the task than I am myself, which is the crazy part. Isn't that the best? What helped you? What did something shift in you? Like, were you ever a perfectionist? Or, you know, needing to have that feeling of doing everything yourself? Like, what shifted for you? Was it an event? Was it just a decision? Was it a mentor slapping you upside the head like, Marina, you gotta hire an assistant. Like, what was that shift for you, away from that perfectionism, the pain point. So I remember this was 2021, I think, when everyone was drinking from a fire hose in real estate, right? Everyone's getting crazy low mortgages. It was bananas. And I remember I was working till twelve

to 01:

00 a.m. most nights just to play catch up on all the correspondence that was going on. So I had like twelve in escrow, which was crazy for a single person without help. And then I had to play catch up because I'm doing showings all day. Then I'm coming home, putting the kids to bed. Now I got to play email catch up. I was like, this is crazy. And I'm supposed to post on social media at the same time. Like, what the heck? You know, I had hired a coach at that point and she had said, like, absolutely, you need help. Like, you cannot do this. Even though I was on a team at the time, it wasn't common for team agents to have assistance. Like, normally a solo agent would have an agent, but not a team agent. But I was doing so much production that they're like, you need help. And so she helped me hire that first one and she took a ton off my plate. A lot of it, especially as a content producer, is just the marketing collateral, all of the templates you have to create, and then you're coming out with a new guide every now and then, and then you have blah, blah, blah. And we're supposed to blog and Pinterest and like all these other things. Like, it gets, it's crazy town. It's a full position. We add it to our regular business. That was huge. And then I would say, honestly, this last year, the big another unlocking to let me do less is just seeing how efficient she is when I let her take over. Like when I start stop micromanaging her and she actually starts to tell me what to do. You got this girl. Yeah, you bossed me around. Like, it's almost like she has to manage us, which when we let go of that control, it's like, oh, this is amazing. She pays all the bills for me. I don't have to touch on any invoice. She logs all of it, sends me reports, so I'm not giving her access to my checking account, but she has my credit cards and so I have access to all that information. There's no secrets. It's not like she's going to do scam me or whatever. I can see exactly what she's spending on. And of course we're doing NDAs. We're doing all of those privacy things and contracts to make sure our butts are covered. You know, that takes time. And I will say, especially for someone who's never hired before, your first two assistants might be duds, you know? And we have to go through that initial pain to learn what you actually do want, especially for us people pleasers. Like, it's so easy to say yes to the cute and nice people and not realize they're actually not the right fit for your business. And so we have to have that confrontational talk and say, you know what? Unfortunately, this isn't working out. We did our 30 day trial. Thank you so much. I'm going to move on, and you got to start back over. Hopefully you've saved those contacts from the last round of interviews. But I think people, initially, they hire the mom or the wife or the sister or the best friend because they think we like each other, we should work together and unfortunately end up dragging it out because they don't want to hurt feelings. So it's really sticking to your balls and knowing this is going to work for my business or it's not. Yeah. And then how do you, do you, when you guys do train, do you record everything? And you have, like, a recording folder with all the trainings in there so you can onboard the next one 1000%. So that was part of her job description when I hired her. For every system you learn, we're going to document it. And she has, like, this book of business we've created in Google Docs now. I love a platform called loom.com. i don't know if you've heard of that one. I have. Super helpful because I can just screen record myself doing a task and then she can just watch it and it even takes the notes for you so you can scroll through if you don't want to watch the whole video. So it makes it so streamlined now it doesn't have to be super painful. So nice. I love that. I love that. What have you found as a high performing, successful mom and woman in business? What has been the biggest thing to help you overcome mom guilt? Ooh, that's a hard one. It's still there. It never goes away. I think is one thing. Accepting that it's there and it's not supposed to go away is a good thing. It means you care. It means you love them so much that all you want to do is spend time with them. Right. But really, it's just you have to weigh the pros and cons of everything because everything does have a cost. So once you recognize, okay, I'm willing to sacrifice so that I can have a better quality of life, so that I can spend things on vacation and do this with them. And then really, it's being so present when you are with them, instead of still trying to multitask and work and, like, secretly go in the closet and send off some business texts or whatever, when you can fully dedicate time to your children, there's no guilt when you're away because you know fully well that I did the best that I could this morning or this night with dinner or whatever, and you can sleep at night. And then just realizing, too, that I'm setting an example, a walking, talking example of how women work in business. And so if I'm continuing to set that bar to say, hey, moms can rock it. They can make all this money and be present and have fun and unplug, then I know I'm doing a good job for the next generation. So it's keeping all of that front of mind. Yeah, I love that. I love that so much. I found, too, that oftentimes, like, if I feel myself getting sucked in, I have to sometimes create a physical boundary. Like, I have to physically put my phone away somewhere where I can't see it. Obviously, all notifications are, you know, are shut off, but I have to physically create distance to almost force the matter. Right. Yeah. Where. Where if it's on me at all times. And I've seen, you know, people talk about, like, hey, if our phone's with us and it's sitting on top of the tabletop, even if it's overturned, yeah, this phone still is the priority instead of your family dinner or the person that you're talking to, because it can ding, it can bling. A light can go off. All the things. They know that that's the priority. Even if it's sitting in your back pocket or on your person. Like, I have found that to create a disconnect between the dopamine hit, I have to literally. I mean, because it is. This is a little dopamine addiction machine. Truly. That's why it's created all the systems and software behind it. That's what it's meant to do. And so I have to literally create a physical. A physical boundary. A physical boundary about it. And I have learned, too, that very, very few things are actually urgent. No one is usually calling and saying, the house is on fire, I need a plumber or whatever. Like, the issue is, it's very, very far between. It's actually, clients know that I'm busy and they're like, hey, sorry to bug you. Like, how would that be if all your clients are like, I know you're so busy, so, like, I don't want to bother you with this thing. And so they know also that I'm a mom. I share my mom life on social media. And they'll say at night, sorry to bug you during dinner time. I'm sure you're with your kids. And I'm like, no, I'm happy to help, but they, I've trained my clients to know I'm probably not going to respond in 30 seconds. So what I'll do is I'll leave my phone in the bedroom, which is 10ft from the kitchen, but it's a space. And then I'll just periodically come in, check, hey, do I have anything I need to respond to? But I'm getting back to people within an hour or so. And then sometimes it can even wait till the next day. It's okay. You have permission to wait till the next day. Yes. Yes, you do. And, yeah, well, it's crazy. And along those same lines too, because I think we worry. I well, if I'm not available to people, I'm going to lose out on business or I'm going to lose relationships or people are going to get all huffy with me. One of the best things I ever heard was the people who have the hardest time with you having boundaries are the ones who took advantage of you not having any. Typically, people who are regulated, who have boundaries themselves and keep those boundaries that they've made for themselves and enforce those boundaries are the ones who are like, good for you, mama. Like, I see you. Get back to me. Get back to me the next day. Like, yep, this is family time. I honor. I honor that in you. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And that's part of the process you have to go through as an entrepreneur is you have to work with a couple assholes to realize I'm never working with those people again. You know, that is a pain. You have to figure that out for yourself. First year of real estate, I was taking calls at 910 pm. People crying to me and I'm like, wow, why am I doing this to myself? Because then you train them that that's okay. And then you're going to

pick up at 10:

00 p.m. it's like, exactly. We're done. Exactly. Exactly. And I do think it is so good to. And you can start today. Even if you didn't start in the beginning. Of your business. Having those boundaries literally just start today. The day you decide to create a boundary, is the most beautiful thing ever. And I remember very early on in my business, I created a boundary that I would. I just don't work Sundays. That's my family day. That's my day for God, every other day of the week. Like, again, as an entrepreneur, you know, it's like I get to have my life and build my business around my life, not the other way around. So I do have that gift of flexibility and freedom, and sometimes that becomes somebody's achilles heel because they can work all the time and they tend to work all the time. But I remember creating that boundary of no Sundays. All of my team, there's only been just, I would say, a handful of times when it's been. When it's been tested and asked for, you know, for what they feel like is a. Is a good reason, you know? But just like you said, very, very rarely is there ever a true, true emergency. And that's just been such a healthy boundary for me. And it's a promise that I made to myself and kept to myself, you know? And fulfilling those promises that we keep to ourself, I think, is such an important part of having confidence and knowing who you are and people respect you for it in the end. It doesn't mean it's easy, but it means it's worth it. You know, one of the things I love to teach, too, is just boundaries of how to say no, because some of us, we suck at it because we just want to make everyone happy all the time. Like, we just can't say no. So I went through this with the church where I was volunteering all the time, doing events and decor for all of their events, and I was, like, frazzled with a kid, with, or with a mom, with young kids, and I couldn't say no because I didn't want to let them down. And then eventually, it got to the point where I was like, screw this. Like, I love my church, but I'm in a season that I cannot do this anymore. And so I had to learn to teach myself. And this is a muscle you have to build over time is to say, unfortunately, I'm not a good fit at this time. But here's so and so. Like, offer two to three suggestions instead of just a blank no. Like, that feels harsh, right? But if I say so and so is going to be better for you than me at this time? Or have you tried reaching out to so and so or whatever you're actually helping them more than you taking on the job because you're over capacitated and not in the right state of mind, you know? Yeah. So that's a skill set that everyone should put into their pocketbook that it's okay to say no all the time. Have that be your first instinct. No. Let me get back to you. No. Have you tried this person? And even just giving it five minutes instead of responding in 30 seconds, like, totally, totally. No, it's so, it's, seriously, it's, it's so good. And, and I, I've heard that when you're asked something if your initial gut instinct isn't like, heck yes. Like, oh my gosh, I could think of nothing else I would rather do. Like, it needs to be that sort of like visceral response and not, ugh. If, uh, is your first, like, ugh, one more thing. The answer is no. Yeah, it truly is no. And I love that you offer, like, I don't feel like this is me. I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation because I feel like no can be a complete sentence. It's just like, no, but you don't to be again, like an a hole about it. Right? Like you, you can just, like you said, you can say no, but have you thought of so and so or that's not going to work for me. Have you thought of so and so? Right, so I think such, such a, such good advice. Such good advice here. What was a lesson that your mother taught you? My gosh, so many so. She's an entrepreneur herself. She's owned a nail salon since the early eighties and she's a one woman show. So I learned by example, kind of how not to do business. And no offense to her, she's chosen this way. We've talked about it now that I'm an entrepreneur. She just never wanted to build anything bigger. She wanted to just keep it all in house. She created a job and that's how she likes to live her business. But I spent my mornings as a kid in early elementary. I was going to the salon at six in the morning, sleeping on the lobby couch and then going to school. And then after school, I'd come back

to the salon, hang out on the couch till 07:

00 at night, and we go home for dinner. So she works twelve hour days as a solopreneur nail salon owner. And I was like, this is crappy. Like, I learned, I said how not to do it, but at the same time I had to. I went through that same problem myself in the beginning stages, because I didn't have someone to show me another way. I thought that's how you were supposed to do it. I thought, go through the five years of sucking before you actually break through. No one told me I could do it in a year or two years or less, you know, and now that I've done it, I'm like, yeah, you can skip it all. Like, within six months, you can have more harmony in your life, in your business, and start delegating. It does take investment, it does take treating a business like a business. But to think that you got a scrape, scrap and sacrifice for so long is a total myth, 1000%. That is so good. And I love that what your mother taught you is what not to do. Sometimes our moms teach us that. And I'm hoping, I'm sure that my kids will probably look at things that. Ways that I've lived my life and things that I've done. But I hope that's just like a small, a small percentage, right. Because really, you're, you're changing generations. Like, like, you're, you're breaking those generational, those generational chains and those curses and those patterns that you very easily could have just followed suit and said, this is the way my life has to be. This is the way that being a business and an entrepreneur and a business owner, an entrepreneur and a mom, you have to do it. And congratulations for seeing a vision bigger than yourself and outside of yourself and saying, there has to be a better way. The fact that you were so curious in that moment, so when you come up and you butt up against something that feels insurmountable, that you're just like, I don't know, this is a huge obstacle. Like, how am I ever going to get through this? It's just taking a moment instead of just following suit and following the steps, it's like taking a moment to just get curious, to think outside of the box and to again, find mentorship, find people and take advice from people who you'd be willing to trade lives and lifestyles with, not just their income levels with, that you would change their life and their lifestyle. Those are the people whose opinions I'd be paying attention to. Yeah, a thousand percent. Yeah. So good. And I would, yeah. Add to the curiosity, it's like, question everything. Even if Gary Vee, the guy who says, this is how to do everything, question it, question it. Question the mom that looks like she's got it all together, question it. You know, what is her actual day to day? How much actual time is she spending all of that is so important. Truly. It truly, truly is. It truly is. And yeah, I love that question. Everything. Yeah. All right, so let me ask this one other question of you. What lesson do you wish you would have learned sooner as a woman or as a mom? I would say we're kinda saying we're kind of now, but it's prioritizing my marriage. Say that one more time. Prioritizing my. It's a little. It's a little bit grainy on your end. We can even. I can mark it and we can. Ask it again very myself. Are you okay now? Here, let me try to echo cancellation. It says it can't change it while it's recording. I can still echo each. Yeah, it's echoing. Okay, let me see. It's because of my earbuds. My earbuds ran out of juice. You know what? Why don't we. Why don't we stop it and I'll start it again and then I can do an echo canceling. Hang on. So leave the room or the room or just. No. Thank you for listening to Woman lessons podcast. One thing that would really help both of us and other potential listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a comment in iTunes or Spotify or wherever you tune in to listen. Also, make sure to link up with us@tracypeterson.com and over on social media, other daughtermovement. Please just share, share, share this podcast with anyone who you think might enjoy it. We cannot wait to chat more next time and to continue learning how to be a truly confident woman. Because remember, you have to be one to raise one.